Coming Out

For the bullied & the bullier -
Coming Out is a terrifying experience; what will people think of me? Can you think of anything more difficult? Regardless of your age...and believe me...I didn't come out til I was 39, I was extremely terrified, but I knew something had to give.  I felt like the weight of the world was upon my shoulders.  There could not have been any more darkness.  I wanted to cut out, I wanted to cut, I wanted to get high, drunk, anything that would and could take me away from what I was feeling in my life.  Y'all know what I'm talking about.  The feeling of unworthiness.  Somehow even if you were fortunate enough that others did not leave you feeling like an outsider - you felt totally outside.   Ya know? Bullying when I was in high school was not like it is today.  When I was in high school we were still dealing with racial differences.  It was not like the 60's, but more unspoken, but the tension was there - it was underlying.  So bullying came in different forms.  It came because you were fat, you were not popular...things like that.  But it didn't seem to be like it is today.  Y'all are so MEAN.  What is going on?  Why do you want to berate someone to the point of ugliness? Why do you wish others dead?  Even after you have bullied someone to the point that they take their lives - lately that's not good enough for y'all.  You still gotta push.  You gotta leave hateful messages on Facebook and Twitter and text all kinds of hateful things.  WHY?  I wish y'all would come forward and explain this to me.  Why do you get pleasure from someone else's pain?
OK...so this is just bullying in school.  What about the religious sector? You know who you are.  You feel fully entitled to cast judgment upon others in the name of GOD.  Are you kidding me?  Ya know -the Bible clearly states "judge not lest you be judged." AND yet - y'all feel very free to be casting judgments.  I get it - we live in a totally judgmental society, yet claiming to be a Christian culture.  What a contradiction.  I was told that I was disgusting and an abomination when I came out from those who call themselves Christians. 
A very wise friend said to me, "a sin is something that separates you from God".  That is pretty cut and clear.  Well, I didn't feel separated from God.  I had an active prayer life and saw His blessings within in my life and around me.  No, I did not agree with what I was hearing from the church or from my family.  It was a masquerade.  But some how in my heart of hearts I did not believe God was the person these people wanted me to believe He was, and I still do not.
Sooooo, anyway - regardless - we still have this issue - we are told we are not good enough, we are told we are less than human - we are told we're sick - we are told soooo many things that we begin to believe it.  AND if we are ALL those things, then surely the world would be better off without us - right?  WRONG!!!! Y'all couldn't be more wrong.  You are still a child of God.  As I see it - if I am sinning against God - well hell - that's between Me and Him!  It's not for anyone else to decide!  So, until I meet Him face to face - I need to move forward with the person He created.  With all my talents and abilities I need to move on.  You need to move on.  You - believe it or not are touching lives.  You will not always know the lives that you are touching or the difference you are making - but tap into your passion - your desires and go with it.  Forget the rest of them! Let your light shine!  These people that are bringing you down - are insecure within themselves.  Let's face it - if they felt good about themselves - and I mean really good about themselves - they would not be wasting time putting others down.  It is those who need to boost themselves who degrade others.
So please - hang in there - do not give up...as the organization says; "It Gets Better" - it really does.  I have been to the brink of darkness and back.......it does get better....but you have to hang in there to find out...so please hang in there!